Sometimes…
I put myself in strange situations…
Don’t know why. But I seem to have a knack for it.
Forgive me diary for I have neglected you
I often think of posting, but still I don’t. My vow to post daily for a year has been in vain. I’m disappointed in myself, but there’s also a lesson for me in this.
This is what Gemini tells me:
“Overestimation of Capacity: You might have overestimated your ability to consistently write a journal entry every day. This can lead to a more realistic assessment of your time and energy.
Lack of Clear Goals: If you didn't have specific reasons for journaling, it might have been easier to skip days. Defining clear objectives can increase motivation.
Need for Flexibility: Rigid routines can be challenging to maintain. Incorporating flexibility into your plan can make it easier to stick to.
Importance of Self-Compassion: Not meeting a goal doesn't define your worth. Self-compassion is essential for overcoming setbacks.
Identifying Obstacles: Analyzing why you missed journaling days can reveal underlying challenges like stress, lack of inspiration, or time management issues.
Remember: It's okay to not be perfect. Every experience is a learning opportunity. Instead of focusing on the failure, use it as a chance to improve your approach.”
Thanks Gemi! You Are so kind 😅
Perhaps the fact that I cannot grasp the place my life is in at the moment makes it hard to phrase my own thoughts. Perhaps I worry that I’ll be too honest and people will actually read it, learning things about me I’m not sure I want them to know. Because the thing is, I have no idea who actually reads these posts.
If you are reading this now, leave me an anonymous hello so I know there’s someone on the other end. Even if it’s years later.
Be well!
Lately I’ve been struggling more than usual
It must be due to the energy of the moon being in cancer, though I’m not sure I believe that…
But my emotions have been out of wack the past couple days. I have felt extra out of sorts… not like myself. Unhinged even. I have restless energy and cannot narrow my focus enough to get anything truly done, not the things that matter anyway.
Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by all the chances and uncertainties in my life. Maybe it’s all been too “in limbo” for far too long.
But it makes me want to escape. Because something tells me it has to do with the island I’m living on. I need to enrich my soul from the outside in by changing my environment and my perspective…
I’m a little lost - I’m drifting
I finished a good solid 3rd draft of my sobriety memoir. And so now I have to do the hard parts: finding editors, agents and publishers.
Instead of facing the music I’ve heen procrastinating by shifting my focus on my next book: the HSP daily inspiration reflections and pictures book 📕
But I’m also feeling a massive void. For months I’ve had the daily task of nestling myself in a cafe and writing the morning away. Now I wake up unsure of what to plunge my efforts into. And even a little unmotivated because the task ahead is so daunting. I end up staring at a computer screen for hours.
Finally I decided to take a break from the book process and focus on things I CAN do at this moment. That pulls me out if the slump. I will wait for the next wave of energy to catapult me into action to continue the process of getting my book out into the world ✨
It’s getting real
Writing about my most intimate experiences during my drinking days for my memoir is becoming very real. As I near the end of this process, I'm realizing that someday the whole world might read it, and that realization is starting to hit me.
I’m feeling resolutely lost in my journey.
I know this feeling won't last forever, but boy does it linger…
I ran away from small-talk today
It was a situation where a distant relative was spotted in the distance. I didn’t want to have to engage in repetitive polite chitchat, so I walk the long way around to avoid an interaction.
Most people would call that rude. I’ve been called that. But I prefer to call it self preservation. I need my energy for constructive things today and small-talk would drain me before my day has even begun!
My daily HSP journal… Yikes!
More like my weekly journal.
I promised myself I’d show up here to log a journal entry everyday for a year, until my next birthday. Most days I end up breaking that promise, and I feel badly.
Truth is, some days I do show up, hovering with my fingers over the keyboard, speechless. Sometimes the my mind is so cluttered I just don’t know what to say or write.
Each day brings a new struggle for this HSP. From figuring out the least rambunctious cafe where I can go to work on my Recovery book. to juggling my vasty differing ventures simultaneously with increased momentum. How to pick up my acting career. How to mend my broken heart and appreciate a new relationship amidst my healing. How to earn a living so I can stop tapping into my savings. Balancing paid gigs with passion projects that cost more than they produce. Worrying about my biological clock ticking. Fretting over the sun beating on my skin cancer in sunny Curaçao despite my best efforts. Balancing work with play, despite feeling nervous about not earning money when I’m out adventuring. Reminding myself to place mindfulness before all else. And finally, maintaining my sobriety so that I do not lose all the of the potential for an amazing life.
Is it any wonder that on days when I don’t know how to prioritize, I end up paralyzed….?
If you’re new here, drop a line in the comments about your biggest struggle today, and you plan to thrive or simply find serenity today!
What writing a memoir about alcoholism ACTUALLY looks like…
Writing a paragraph.
Checking Whatsapp.
Rechecking paragraph.
Checking Instagram.
Pasting a paragraph in Gemini to double check for strongest style.
Hopping to my website to write about the grueling experience…
😅
When I vow to put my phone away, with a timer for an hour, I easily write undisturbed during that hour. Sometimes we have to be strict with ourselves if we want to achieve more ✨