I quit coffee (and lived)

On August 19th, 2024, I woke up ready to give up caffeine. It was a miracle. For years, I had been hoping and wishing that one day I would feel courageous enough to attempt quitting coffee. I was beholden to my morning coffee. I’d wake up with the craving, followed by the high from that first hit of caffeine, then the overwhelming anxiety and finally the inevitable energy crash. 

Don’t give up

I had previously tried limiting caffeine to the weekends. Only to find that on week days I was jonesing for my weekend fix. It was a mental obsession. When I tried limiting my intake to one cup per day instead of my usual two or three, it was more manageable, but it didn't solve the problem – my dependence on caffeine. The whole reason for quitting was that I didn't want to feel beholden to a substance. Coffee was the first thing I'd think about in the morning. I'd suffer mood swings if I couldn't get my cup of joe right away. Furthermore, even with one cup, I'd still encounter the sudden, intense energy crash in the early afternoon.

Searching for true freedom

As a sober alcoholic, I know all about being enslaved to a substance. I'm ten years sober now and ecstatic to be free from its grip on me. I was also hooked on cigarettes once and gave that up too. The only vice left was caffeine. I hated how it reminded me of my drinking or smoking days. It was dictating my life, even if it seemed benign compared to the other substances. I knew I'd never truly be free until I gave up this seemingly innocent drug. I even felt guilty about calling myself sober in recovery meetings because I felt that as long as I was trapped by the pull of caffeine, I'd never be truly addiction-free. The consequences might not be as dire as when I drank alcohol, and the side effects not as deadly, but still, I wanted to taste true freedom.

I also wanted to have children someday. And from my understanding, caffeine is not a positive influence on the fetus. So I'd have to give up coffee during pregnancy anyway. Wouldn't it be easier if I did it beforehand?

The miracle

Finally, on a cozy Sunday morning, reading a book while sipping my beloved cup of coffee, I read something that would pave the way for my escape from the coffee trap. From this book, Living in the Light by Shakti Gawain, I learned that coffee plays a role in blocking the universal energy that naturally flows into our being. This includes the energy that feeds our creativity. I wondered, could coffee be the reason why I often felt so uninspired or creatively blocked? It added yet another reason why I should quit. As an intuitive and somewhat spiritual being, I desperately wanted to know if I could tap more into the universal energy that I'd sometimes tasted during meditation. I'm a naturally curious soul, so I deeply longed to find out if quitting coffee might change something in my energy and creativity.

However, I also know myself well enough to know that if I had told myself on that Sunday that I'd have to quit the next day, I would've ended up drinking twice as much coffee instead. That's the nature of my addictive behavior. Instead, I just reflected on what I had read and shared with my boyfriend that I hoped one day I'd manage without coffee.

The next day, I woke up to a miracle. Out of nowhere, the obsession had been lifted. I suddenly felt like I didn't need to rush to the kitchen to make my favorite hot beverage. I was elated. But I also knew from previous trials that there would be difficult days ahead. I decided to keep a journal of my first two weeks without caffeine. If you’re struggling with quitting caffeine, I hope you will find some knowledge and comfort from my shared experience. 

The diary

Day 1 

I woke up feeling like I didn't need my morning coffee. It's like the universe has been conspiring in my favor – my favorite soy milk which I used for my lattes wasn't on the shelves for weeks. Making me lose interest in the flavor of my lattes. That doesn't mean it will be easy. 

Not drinking caffeine has the nice bonus of not making me go to the pee right away or making me break out in a sweat. Now, I can keep my base energy without jitters. But it's only been one hour and fifteen minutes. 

The biggest revelation from the book (Living in the light) was that maybe I'm not afraid of the lack of energy from giving up coffee; but the excess of it. When the energy is so much that you don't know how to direct it into something fruitful. I will have to learn that now. Already I’m feeling an unfamiliar burst of energy which makes me anxious and restless. I feel like my body has energy but my head is frazzled, so I need to center myself. But I have every faith that eventually, this energy will start to flow where it needs to. Perhaps a lot of meditating might help. 

 I wonder what life without caffeine will do for my high sensitivity trait… will I be less sensitive to sounds and such? Less anxious?

P.s. No more jaw clenching, wow! (Caffeine gave me physical tics from the anxiety such as clenching my jaw.)

Day 2

It still feels right. 

I was holding on to excuses why not to quit. Like the words of a friend who said, "Well, maybe coffee is right for you. (I wanted to believe her desperately, but in my gut I knew she was wrong). Or the antioxidant content: where else am I going to get my antioxidants? Blueberries are too expensive here. And also: "Maybe coffee is keeping my body in order, what health issues will appear if I stop? How will it affect my bowels? And: quitting coffee didn't improve my energy last time I tried it, on weekdays only. Excuses, excuses.

My mindset right now: I'm going through a thing, I'm allowing myself a lot of self-love. Anything so I can get through this with the will to stay caffeine-free.

Day 3

Always having healthy snacks available and drinking loads of water helps me with nagging cravings and energy dips: bliss balls, filled dates and salted nuts were my go-to.

*Forgot to mention, I hid the coffee paraphernalia. Visual triggers were not helping. 

Day 4

I’m experiencing sudden bouts of sweating. I feel like I've sweated out most of the residual caffeine, but overwhelming anxiety still creeps up, and I breathe my way through it.

Since day one, I've fallen asleep more easily (less evening meditation needed to wind down). Less crime show consumption.

Day 5

All-around body aches – coffee-related? The same sensation as  when you have a flu. But no other flu symptoms. I feel like I need a sauna. Something warm and soothing to ease the aches and cleanse my body.

I've been experiencing muscle spasms in my face – little twitches, for a couple of days now since quitting.

Day 6

My thinking is strained a bit.

The muscle aches have become even more intense (when I lie down, it feels worse). I took ibuprofen just to be able to fall asleep through the pain. It’s so intense it wakes me up in the middle of the night. 

Day 7

Still muscle aches. Dull headache, slight.

Day 8

Brain lethargy seems worse. At least, it's the first day I’ve really had to apply my brain for a longer stretch of time, and it was nearly impossible to keep focus after a grueling three hours.

I thought the body aches were less, but it's evening now, and they're very present again. Dull headache too, but not debilitating. 

Hard to catch my breath at times. My morning Pilates workout went fine though.

My face looks rejuvenated (less fatigued). And I've been able to maintain my weight – no weight gain this time (I was concerned about satiating my coffee cravings with food, as I had experienced during early sobriety from alcohol). 

Day 9

Slow thinking and apathetic. But the body pains are subsiding! Last night I slept without popping ibuprofen. And now I'm in bed with barely noticeable aches. Though in my neck and shoulders, it's still pretty painful. Went kayaking today, and that felt fine. But my arms and neck got achy, maybe just wrong movements though. Unsure.

Day 10 - Cautiously optimistic.

Feeling a bit better, same symptoms, but all are milder. The most severe are the muscle aches in my legs. A little bit like restless leg syndrome. 

I’m also experiencing weird sensations in my ears, like my ears are clogged, but they’re not actually.

Afternoon headache, took ibuprofen to catch a nap, and it cleared after a nap, but before ibuprofen, I had difficulty falling asleep.

Day 11

I slept through the night. Slept late, so not too well-rested, but glad I didn't wake up before morning like the previous night. Aches in my legs but minor. Head slightly dull achy.

Afternoon: Joint pain almost fully gone. Still small aches in the pelvic area and upper shoulder / neck area, but very minor.

I hope to experience a more regular sleep pattern soon. 

Day 12

Again, I slept a bit too late. But is that why I feel a bit lethargic? Could be. Not really feeling inspired to start my day. Restless energy in the morning yesterday and today, but I think it's poor sleep.

Feeling a dull ache in my lower back. 

Day 14 

I finally went to bed on time and finally woke up feeling rested. No more achy body, no headache either. I think besides the mild anxiety which I register as craving, that I am withdrawal-free!

I do get strange pulses of blood pounding through my head, but it doesn't result in a headache, it's momentary.

(Day 20) - Follow up

I have to say that without coffee, I'm actually starting to feel sharper, which is unexpected because coffee is supposed to help with your brain activity, but I feel like I have more consistent clear thinking now. Whereas, when I was on coffee, I would have a big rush of high brain activity, which was overly intense, kind of like how I imagine ADHD must feel. Now I have longer stretches of calm, clear thinking. Though I still have the dips where I'm so tired that my thinking becomes slower or foggy. Where I go: "What was the name of that movie or that actor again?" kind of thing.

Sleep seems improved when I stick to my curfew. I'm also trying to shorten my afternoon naps because when I rest for too long I wake up more tired. I'm trying to see how short my naps should be so that I feel refreshed when I wake up from them.

*Coffee cravings are more intense when you keep waking up at 5 AM unrested.

12 weeks

I still feel like I'm missing something. I crave the c affeine-high almost daily. But thanks to my recovery from alcohol, I have the tools to walk myself through it until it passes. 

Coffee was a clear coping mechanism to deal with not only lack of energy but lack of mental highs. It is a drug after all. And I'm an addict after all. So now, for the first time, I'm actually fully sober. No alcohol or drugs of any kind, no nicotine, no caffeine. And only (mostly) natural sugars. It’s no wonder my brain struggles to adjust. 

5 months

Still caffeine-free. It is difficult for me to accept that I still have strong cravings and urges for caffeine. Having quit alcohol and nicotine, I was hoping that caffeine would be easier. But the desire to get that caffeine buzz lingers. Sometimes it hits hard, and it takes all my willpower not to give in. Especially on days where I feel bored or under stimulated. Mostly I'm okay though. I'm not thinking about it all day every day. But it does surprise me how prevalent it still is. The feeling like something is missing in my life. I hope that just like with the other substances, those cravings will diminish and maybe even disappear over time.

Hidden dangers

One night I had some coca-cola, knowing that it was some caffeine but not realizing how much. It kept me up two hours past my usual bedtime! As I lay in bed wondering why my brain felt so stimulated, I realized it must've been the cola. So I hopped online and learned that one serving of cola can have as much as half the caffeine of an average serving of coffee. I’m not a big soda fanatic, but I wasn’t ready to give up cola, so that was a hard blow. 

I’ve also experimented with decaf. Especially in cafes where I wanted to still enjoy my favorite beverage without the caffeine high. Some coffee is decaffeinated chemically, other coffee is decaffeinated with a hot water method. Not all methods are as effective. Tread carefully. I’ve experienced an unwanted buzz from decaffeinated beverages.  

In conclusion

Quitting coffee has not been an easy feat. And the benefits were not as profound as I had hoped. But the very fact that I am no longer beholden to a substance makes it all worth it. 

Additional notes and tips:

I’ve had the luxury of laying low when I was experiencing the worst of the symptoms. I’d recommend that anyone struggling to quit try to plan it when you have some off-time or less responsibilities. Like on a long weekend. Involve your closest circle to jump in and help out, for example with parenting duties. Set yourself up for success by reducing the amount of distractions and responsibilities, within your capacity.

Tips:

Before stopping, write down a list of reasons why you want to let go of caffeine, and go over this list to remind yourself every day, to help you stay motivated. For me it was helpful to remind myself of the potential pitfalls of consuming coffee and forget about the potential benefits. My chronic fatigue for example. I read up a lot about the havoc the caffeine can wreak on our body. 

Also note that it’s easier to stay stopped then it is to stop again. If you’ve strung along a couple of days without caffeine, bite through. You never know when the next time will be that you feel ready to attempt giving it up. It took me years after my first attempt.

I hope this was helpful and I wish you a blissful caffeine free journey ahead!

With sincerity,

Shannon